


In Every Nothing

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drinking, Emotionlessness to deal with sorrow, F/M, First Meetings, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Loss, New Beginnings, Not Beta Read, Past Relationship(s), References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: Arturia’s life gets completely messed up. Gilgamesh is the unlikely, but willing, listener.





	1. In a deserted world there isn’t even a fragment of consolation

**Author's Note:**

> A brief warning: the themes mentioned in the fic aren't light; I wrote this when I was feeling extremely depressed about various things, so it isn't exactly on a happy note.
> 
> Title: from a Kalafina song, of course (B-side of their 16th single). Its meaning will make sense with the ending ;)  
> The chapters' titles are lyrics from the song. Credits to the canta-per-me forum for the translation ;))

…

…

Arturia’s hands were still trembling, even though she had been sitting in the bar for several hours now. However much she wished it to be different, her mind kept replaying the scene she had seen, impressing upon her the harsh reality she hadn’t had a clue about before today.

She was brought out of her ponderings rather abruptly when there was a shouting commotion coming from one of the other tables.

Moving her eyes up, she belatedly realized that the glass of water she had requested had already arrived, but she couldn’t focus on it, because her attention was caught by the tall man in one corner who had grabbed a thin white-haired woman by the neck, and was indifferently demanding something from her.

In front of her there was a person mistreating another. Arturia could not accept that – she stood up and swiftly made her way over.

…

Less than five minutes later, the man who had been harassing the white-haired woman had left the bar with a broken nose, while his victim had profusely thanked the blonde woman, who silently went back to sit down at her lonely table, in front of her glass of water.

Gilgamesh stared at her.

The evening had seemed to be rather dull, and the slight commotion that had started because someone was trying to intimidate someone else was so repetitive that it could hardly make him interested anymore. But this time, someone had intervened.

Now he was observing the woman who was responsible for quieting everything down. Her green eyes looked forlorn and completely empty, and her entire demeanour showed to be apathetic, but an apathy most likely chosen as a defence against sorrow.

She clearly wasn’t expecting anyone else, yet it was strange that she had only asked for a glass of water instead of a drink.

He made his decision in a split second, and walked over to her table, moving one of the other stools and taking a seat in front of her.

She looked up at him, and a mildly confused expression appeared on her face.

…

Looking up, Arturia saw a flashy, very peculiar looking blond man about her age, who was wearing a pair of odd, showy, large golden earrings, and who was staring back at her rather arrogantly.

She kept her eyes on him, her expression mostly blank but with just a hint of confusion. She had no idea who he was – not that she truly cared – nor what he wanted by sitting there, therefore she proceeded to ask that.

“What do you want?”

Her voice was monotonous, without any inflection whatsoever and plainly conveying her lack of interest in him. She simply wanted to know what his intentions were; nothing else about him mattered to her.

He smirked. “I found it very interesting, as you took care of the naïve woman and the violent fool in a very persuasive way. You are an unusual one.”

“Okay,” she said, flatly. “Now that you’ve ascertained that, you may leave.”

To her annoyance, he only looked amused, and moved his head towards a passing waiter, making him approach. He looked at her interrogatively and questioned her, “What drink would you like, since you obviously need to drink your sorrows away?”

Her annoyance growing, Arturia shook her head rigidly.

“I don’t want anything from you.”

He ignored her words, and examined the selection of possible drinks with a brief glance, before looking back at her – and he accurately guessed her favourite.

She would have raised an eyebrow, impressed by his perceptiveness, if she had cared enough about it. But since she did not, she simply shrugged.

“That is indeed my favourite, but I cannot drink alcohol at the moment.”

Contrary to her, he did raise an eyebrow, obviously displeased at her turning down his generous offer. She disregarded that, and asked the waiter to bring her another glass of water instead.

After everything was brought to the table, he kept staring at her as he sipped, but she didn't pay him any heed. She didn’t even care about the fact that this stranger was sitting at the secluded table where she had chosen to be alone with her thoughts, because she was fully able to ignore his existence completely.

Suddenly, however, he spoke again, interrupting the silence she sought.

“Why are you here, if you don’t intend to drink?”

She did still feel the annoyance, but her mouth betrayed her, as if her words were simply too heavy, as if they could not be contained anymore and were just looking for a chance to spill forth.

“I found my boyfriend in bed, cheating on me with another woman, who is– _was_ a good friend of mine.”

To her slight inward surprise, the stranger didn’t look particularly startled; it was a bar after all, she reflected, where it wasn’t infrequent for people to come and attempt to drown their sorrows.

He gave her a look filled with derisiveness, and made an easy guess, “So you made a scene, screamed, cried, then ran away and found yourself here.”

“No,” she blankly replied, uncaring about his open scorn. “I gave them both the time to get dressed and then gave them the opportunity to explain themselves.”

This time, he looked surprised, and by the way his eyes scrutinized her, she knew that he was now giving her his full attention. Not that she cared.

When she didn’t say anything right away, he simply waited, as if he knew that pushing her to tell him more was going to produce the opposite effect.

Not even knowing why, Arturia therefore continued, telling this complete stranger that her boyfriend and a person she had thought a friend had openly admitted to having been in love for a long time, yet had not wanted to confess it to her, and then had begged for her forgiveness.

“So you forgave them and are now dealing with the feelings of betrayal and misery,” he flippantly concluded, nonetheless studying her keenly as he said such a thing, as if he knew fully well that what he had just deduced wasn’t exact.

And indeed, Arturia twisted her mouth slightly in renewed annoyance, for she had forgotten about his presence as she had been too engrossed in her tale. Now, however, she remembered he was there, and gave him a freezing glare.

“You are thinking that I forgave them and am now simply sad,” she stated, narrowing her eyes at him.

He took her aback by keeping his peculiar crimson eyes on her, showing an odd form of wisdom in them that made her slightly uneasy.

Then he slowly shook his head.

“You are not a person who would forgive betrayal.”

Even if slightly uncomfortable, she decided not to care and simply focused on the dry amusement his words produced.

“You’re oddly correct. I wouldn’t, and I didn’t.”

She took a deep breath. “Since the house belongs to my boyfriend, I packed my things and moved back into my own apartment. That’s all.”

He shook his head again and then smirked slowly.

“I was right from the start. If there’s anyone who could use a drink, I believe that’s you.”

But she just shook her head as well, and he felt his irritation beginning to rise.

“I’m not saying you should get drunk, just make your pitiful sorrows easier to deal with.”

She let out a humourless laugh and then stood up, taking out the money to pay for the water, because she had taken several glasses by now.

“As it happens, after leaving my now ex-boyfriend’s house a few hours ago, I found out that I’m pregnant,” she flatly informed him. “Alcohol isn’t good for the baby.”

The stranger seemed to freeze in his spot, and didn’t move an inch as she paid for her expenses.

She didn’t spare him a glance until she was ready to turn and leave, but before doing that, she addressed him one last time, looking directly into his eyes as she did so.

“Thank you for listening to my silly story. Goodbye.”

...


	2. I sing only of silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of the heavy themes I mention are purposefully kept on superficial levels in order to not make it too full of angst.

…

…

Some weeks later, Gilgamesh saw that peculiar woman at the bar again.

This time, she had a glass containing a heavily alcoholic drink in front of her, and she was staring at it gloomily.

From the dead expression in her eyes and the dull unresponsiveness, he could guess that things hadn’t gotten any better for her. And once again, to his puzzlement, he felt oddly drawn to her.

He decided it was no use trying to fight against his impulse, and went to take a seat in front of her. It took her quite a while to even notice him, and when she did, she simply stared at him, her green eyes void of emotions and showing no sign of recognizing him.

He didn’t say anything, calmly waiting for her to finally have a reaction of some kind.

To his surprise, however, she proved that she did recognize him, even if she didn’t show any sign of it outwardly.

She simply stated, in a monotone, “You’re the man from a few weeks ago.”

He didn’t bother nodding, as there was no need – the answer was obvious.

The woman didn’t seem to care much for his presence, and the silence between them stretched. He got himself a drink in the meantime, and waited patiently.

Suddenly, with a tone void of any emotion, she informed him, “I lost the baby.”

That certainly explained her emotionless mood, Gilgamesh considered. He chose to follow her example and remained silent, merely accepting her words and not showing any outward sign of emotion either.

“I told my ex-boyfriend,” she then said, her voice lowering slightly. “He was _relieved_.”

He didn’t say a word, but he felt himself becoming more focused on the minimal inflection of anger in her tone when she pronounced her words.

“I never wanted children,” she emotionlessly went on. “Yet that doesn’t mean I ever wanted to lose this baby.”

Again he remained silent, not commenting on what she had disclosed, and simply kept staring at her.

After a while, however, he casually gestured towards her untouched glass.

“Are you going to drink that?”

She brought her gaze on it blankly, and seemed to realize for the first time that it was actually there, even if she had done nothing but stare at it ever since she had sat down. He could see that she was pondering.

And then, she suddenly laughed dryly, the sound awful and strained.

“I don’t see why not,” her voice uninterestedly stated. “I have nothing left to lose, so why should I be careful any longer?”

Her hand reached for the glass.

But, to her astonishment, his own hand swiftly intercepted hers and stopped her actions firmly.

For the first time since she had set foot into the bar, the emotion of surprise appeared on her face, and he stared at it intently, very much captivated by those rare flashes of humanity on her stern features.

“What are you doing?” she demanded harshly, vainly attempting to free her hand with a violent pull.

She didn’t immediately register the odd seriousness in his tone, at least not until he met her eyes while talking.

“You wouldn’t be drinking alcohol if you were in your right state of mind. The normal you wouldn’t do such a thing.”

Gilgamesh didn’t know the woman sitting in front of him, but he believed he knew enough about her to be able to guess such a thing with certainty.

She stared at him, incredulous, but he simply held her gaze calmly, even if he had to hold himself back from leaning forward to study her astonished and confused beautiful green eyes.

She laughed dryly again, but this time, he could distinctly feel the hopelessness in it as well.

“When a random stranger knows me better than I know myself, it means that I’m really on the edge.”

He didn’t offer a reply and just stared at her as she pushed the glass away from herself – same as she had done some weeks before.

She asked a passing waiter for some water, and several minutes passed before she addressed him again. Her expression was more composed, the look in her eyes less dull.

“Why did you stop me?”

He allowed himself to do something as mundane as shrugging and gave her a small smirk.

“It wasn’t you who was making that decision, but your sorrow, and you would have regretted it later.”

“How do you know that?” she pressed him again.

His small smirk widened slightly.

“You are a very easy person to read.”

She stared at him, her gaze uneasy, before shaking her head and taking a sip of water.

“I will never understand why it’s considered necessary in society to introduce oneself and everything, when there are people like you who are obviously capable of reading others without the need of a name.”

Her words were so unexpected that he couldn’t help raising an eyebrow, and then he smirked again.

“What is your name then?”

Surprised once more, she pierced him with her eyes, narrowing them slightly.

“You just proved that you don’t need a name to read a person.”

“Indeed I don’t,” he acknowledged easily. “However, I would like to know how to address you.”

She stared at him a while longer, slowly furrowing her brow, before questioning, “And what do you aim to obtain by knowing my name? What do you want from me?”

Her eyes were now sharp, the dullness completely gone, and Gilgamesh found, to both his disbelief and amusement, that he was completely unable to look away.

This time he did not stop himself from leaning forward to stare at her more intently.

“What do you think I want?” he questioned her.

Her expression darkened, and she pulled herself back slightly, eyeing him with obvious distrust.

“I’m not into one-night stands, even if I recognize their appeal,” she flatly informed him, and he rose both his eyebrows at her bluntness. “I have no desire for friendship, and as for a relationship, well, my experience has proved that I’m only capable of being in messed up ones.”

His smirk had become even larger, and he seemed completely unfazed by her coldness.

“What makes you think that I am interested in a perfect relationship? Or that I ever had one of that kind?”

Once again surprised, she couldn’t help studying him, her eyes flickering uncertainly before moving away from him, finding herself unable to hold his gaze. She had been so focused on her own pain that she hadn’t spared a thought about the personal life of this strange man in front of her – a man who had just prevented her from doing something she would have indeed regretted deeply.

Despairing over her sorrows wasn’t however going to help her overcome them, therefore she let her eyes sweep over him. There was no ring on his finger, and if she had to judge him from his appearance alone, no matter how dangerous it was to do such a thing, she would determine that he didn’t seem to be in a relationship. He did seem to be interested in her, and the fact that, without any obligation towards her, he had stopped her from drinking herself into a stupor – as she had been about to do – deserved to be taken into account.

There was no point in pushing away everyone just because her previous relationships had proven to be utter failures. Until she had her life, she had the right to live it.

“My name is Arturia,” she finally said, and firmly extended her hand for him to shake.

He grabbed it immediately, his eyes flashing with evident pleasure.

“Gilgamesh,” he smoothly replied, and this time, she held his gaze without faltering.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it comes across that this entire fic is a metophor about not letting bad situations, of any kind, take over and destroy the will to fight back - as cheesy as it may sound.  
> Thanks for reading ;)


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